Connect with us

Hi, what are you looking for?



Homemade Chocolate Gelato

Gelato is one of many beautiful Italian things Americans consistently screw up. Here’s how to make your own *actual* gelato – not ice cream.

Homemade Chocolate Gelato
Yes, this is an actual photo of the gelato I made using this recipe.

Gelato and ice cream are not the same thing. Gelato has no cream in it. Ice cream—well, it’s implied.

Now that we have that out of the way… Gelato is one of the finer things in life. Unfortunately, many who have not had the real thing overseas have no idea how good it really is.

American gelato—whether it be from the shitty ‘gelato’ parlors run by white chicks or generic grocery store brands—sucks. It’s okay I guess in the grand scheme of things; but it is nothing special compared to the real McCoy.

Do not fret my homesick Italians and cultured American friends. I have the solution: homemade gelato.

Don’t roll your eyes—it is actually super quick and easy to make. Less than thirty minutes prep, then fifteen minutes or so churning. Yes, churning. So there is a catch: you need an ice cream maker of sorts. These machines freeze the mixture whilst churning it so ice crystals don’t form. (Before you ask, no you can’t just throw it in the freezer and deal with the fucked up texture. It sucks.)

Luckily, they are not that expensive. In the current economy, it will cost you about 110 dollars to get the machine I have: the Cuisinart Soft Serve Ice Cream Maker.

Once you acquire your churning device…here’s how you can make some bomb homemade gelato:


  • 3 cups Whole Milk
  • 3 tbsp Cornstarch
  • 3/4 cup Sugar
  • 1/4 cup Cocoa Powder
  • 4-6 oz Chocolate (Bittersweet is the standard, I use dark)

Yes, that’s literally it lol. No eggs. No hassle. It’s easy.


  • Place 2 cups of milk in a sauce pan. Cook over medium heat until the milk simmers.
  • Whilst the milk is heating up, combine the remaining one cup of milk in a separate bowl with the cornstarch, cocoa powder, and sugar.
  • Once the milk is simmering, remove the pan from the heat. Add your chocolate of choice (again, bittersweet is recommended, but I use dark). 4 oz is fine, 5 or 6 if you really like chocolate. Make sure the chocolate melts completely…
  • Then add the milk-sugar concoction into the sauce pan, and stir to thoroughly combine.
  • Return the pan to medium heat and stir continuously until the mixture starts to thicken. This will take at least 8 minutes, you can pull it around 10 if you’re not sure.
  • This is where the other shoe drops: it has to cool for a while. First, allow it to cool to room temperature on your counter. Then place it in the refrigerator—preferably overnight. Now, if you’re impatient like me…fear not. Overnight is not a requisite, just a recommendation. It just needs to get as cold as possible before freezing.
  • This is where I leave you to your own device. Read the instructions on the icecream maker and pop that sucker in.

Thank me later.

For all our recipes, become a member at 🙂

You May Also Like


Seven-year old Riley was showing his support for Donald Trump outside of the DNC when he was attacked by some of Joe Biden's supporters.


Rudy Giuliani interviewed two doctors about their professional medical opinion on Joe Biden’s cognitive state.


Arguably one of the most dangerous assaults on Western culture is the rejection and subsequent unfurling of traditional gender roles.


Once an esteemed institution of higher education, college is nothing more than a joke nowadays.